CARLY-ANN CLEMENTS, AUGUST 2017
Over the past few years, London has been taken over by swingers. Not the keys-in-a-bowl kind. More the attempting-to-knock-a-tiny-ball-into-a-tiny-hole-poorly-and-probably-drunk sort. Crazy golf (or mini golf if you prefer) courses have been popping up all over the city… even in zone six. From recurring pop-ups to Melville-inspired challenges, these oh-so-popular games come in all shapes and sizes.
Birdies Rooftop Crazy Golf at Roof East, Stratford
Possibly the highest crazy golf course in London, Birdies is an annual feature in Stratford. Run by outdoor cinema aficionados Rooftop Film Club, this nine-hole course comes with a bar, food stalls and the opportunity to see an al fresco flick. Open until the end of September, you’d better be quick to test out the loops, drops and mind-bending monochrome patterns. But don’t worry if you miss it, it’ll be back next year. Tickets from £8 per person.
Swingers – The Crazy Golf Club, Bank
You probably wouldn’t usually head to The City to go clubbing, but with two courses to choose from and walk-up tickets available, you may be spotted embarrassing yourself after a couple of rounds on an eve. Sat as close to the Gherkin as you can possibly get, Swingers is a 1920s golf club-inspired bar. It’s a bit more upmarket than some nine-holers out there so it’s perfect for date night. Tickets are £10 off-peak and £13 usually.
Plonk – Various locations
Walthamstow, Brixton, Dalston, Hackney and Battersea. They all have plonkers roaming the streets. From a UV arcade located in a Victorian musical hall to a wild course in a beer garden, each Plonk location is different. And it’s dirt cheap. From £6 for a game in Battersea to £9 for two rounds at each of the other locations, you can have an absolute riot for less than a tenner.
Junkyard Golf – The Old Truman Brewery
After various pop-ups, the Junkyard Golf courses found a semi-permanent home in the East London haunt. There are four courses to choose from and each has more bizarre props than the last. With a boozy tree house bar and the promise of terrible puns, this place is more than above par. Tickets are £11.50.
Putt in the Park – Various locations
If you’re looking for something a little less crazy and a bit more reminiscent, then Putt in the Park is the one. These outdoor courses are green, stony and should probablygo reside in a seaside town. Luckily, they live in Acton Park, Battersea Park and Wandsworth Park. Though taking a trip down memory lane may not be everyone’s ideal, we’re pretty sure you’ll still want to go when you hear the price… it’s free! You just have to turn up and play.
Moby Golf – Dagenham
Have a whale of a time at this aquatic-themed course. Okay, it might be more for the kiddiewinks but there’s a 60-metre lagoon, an eight-metre waterfall and a mother fudging whale! To be fair, we’ll put up with the odd stares to take on the 18-hole course. Tickets are £9.50 for people aged 12 or more.
Dinosaur Escape Adventure Golf – Ruislip
If you thought whales were exciting, you ain’t seen nothing yet! Though out in the middle of nowhere (by a Londoner’s standard), the trek to north-west London will not be for naught as you won’t just get the chance to whack a few but you’ll also see giant dinosaurs. With a giant T-Rex to an enormous brontosaurus, this pre-historic game will get your pulse a-pumping. Again, mainly aimed at children but big kids are welcome, too. And at £9 for adults, you’re paying just 50p per hole.
The Adventures of Mr Mulligan – Sidcup
So it seems that we’re not the only ones exciting by primordial beasts because we’ve spotted a pattern. On the other side of London is another dino-filled adventure. Thankfully, it’s not just giant lizards, there’s also animals, water and more. There are two 18-hole courses and tickets cost from just £9.
Lost Jungle London – Watford
It’s still in the M25 so it counts! A bit like Putt in the Park but way more exciting, this possibly too big 36-hole course has jungle animals, waterfalls, island holes, Aztec tombs and lost shipwrecks. Get lost in the jungle for £13.50.
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